Understanding Marriage

This write up is for people who are above the age of 18.

When I got married I did not realize what I was getting into. There was no one to tell me what are all the things one has to do or watch out in getting prepared for a marriage. This write up has been planned for over fifteen years and I decided to actually write it today 15 Jun 2025.

Most of the marriages do not stay strong enough for various reasons. Forty years back our parents, uncles, aunts were living in a different world. Sixty years back our grand parents were living in much more different world were divorce was unheard of. Today divorces have become very common and every one involved suffers silently. 

Why marriage? Do I really have to marry? Is it a necessity or a choice? I was watching a video of Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev where he mentioned a nice thought. Everyone has some expectations in marriage. Some get married for having physical pleasure, some for emotional support, some for financial security, some for social aceptance, some for family pressure etc. Of course it can be a combination of some of these. We have to make a decision on why we need a marriage and decide accordingly. If there is no expectation of the above then there is no real reason why one should get married. In other words it should be a matter of choice. However not everyone is a yogi or gnani or buddha to stay away from marriage, and we ordinary people have needs and we get into marriage.

Some of the things that matter and people who are looking forward for marriage can consider thinking and discussing in advance to find out if they both agree in different aspects of life.

5 minutes talking with each other and decide to get married:

Physical appearance and attraction: Many will say pure love will not care about physical appearance. This may not be true for all. So ask yourself if both of you are really, physically attracted to each other which will lead to better intimacy both physical and emotional. If you do not find the other person attractive then it is a big minus and should avoid getting into a marriage. Otherwise eventually this will become a big issue in the married life leading to no intimacy and sexless life. Which will lead to divorce for sure.

No Good or Bad person: When it comes to marriage, there are no good person or bad person. It is all about are compatible with each other or not. Both may be extremely good people but they may be a worst couple. Both may be extremely bad people but they may be a wonderful couple. Only compatible and incompatible people.

Watching a movie and laughing together: If both of you are able to watch a movie together and laugh together? When people from different backgrounds such as different language backgounds come together there is a possibility that each one will be watching their own language movies and comedies separately in each other's room. This is definitely not a good thing to happen. This may look like a silly thing but will definitely lead to rift sometime soon.

Understand each other so that there are no surprises after marriage: Spend at least 6 months to one year to understand each other. If you are already aware of other persons habits and nature, you can make a wise decision on whether you want to live your life with this person for the rest of your life. When people get married without this learning, everyday becomes a surprises and shocks. Often we hear, I did not expect that? I did not sign up for this? Why me? What did I do to deserve this?

Place of living: Some would love to live in a cosmopolitan city for the things they offer such as a high paying job, life style, friends along with the hustle and bustle of the cities, crowded places, traffic jams etc. and some would love to live a quiet life in a small town even if the income is less compared to the large cities. These people enjoy the calm life style over the wealth part. Understanding each others expectations is very important before marriage rather than after getting marriage.

Status of living: Each ones background, the way we have been brought up everything is different. One will be happy living in a 2 BHK house whereas one may love to live in a posh bungalow. One would love to live in a separate villa type house and the other would love to live in an apartment complex which will give more space to walk around and opportunity for sports and entertainment activities.

Income and standard of living: Many marriages fail due to financial problems. Understanding each others financial obligations before marriage is the best thing to do. After marriage nothing can be fixed. One may spend too much on clothes and showing off stuff while the other might consider them unnecessary and expensive. This will lead to misunderstandings.

One will want to spend for their parents and take care of them in their old age. Other may object it. 

One would love to work less and be peaceful with less office tensions and office work pressure. Someone else would not mind the office work pressure and work with lot of enthusiasm even if they miss out the family time.